I love these principles:1. NOTICING WHEN YOUR THOUGHTS ARGUE WITH REALITY. 2. STAYING IN YOUR OWN BUSINESS. 3. MEETING YOUR THOUGHTS WITH UNDERSTANDING.
4. BECOMING AWARE OF YOUR STORIES. 5. LOOKING FOR THE THOUGHT BEHIND THE SUFFERING. 6. INQUIRY.
What stood out for me is under the "Looking for the thought behind the Suffering", is We have a thought that argues with reality, then we have a stressful feeling, and then we act on that feeling, creating more stress for ourselves.
As I started reading I was also learning how to use the highlighting part of my new Nooke. So I really utilized it! The first thing that stood out for me is on page 6... "as the thinking changes, the problems disappear." What a wonderful concept!
ReplyDeleteIn relation to the "thoughts behind suffering," BK writes, that the suffering is the alarm...I love the idea that that's my little signal, that change can be right around the corner, if I chose.
There is a paragraph on pg 22 that begins with "The Work reveals that what you think shouldn't have happended should ..." I had to read this several times before my brain could really grasp the meaning. To me this really is fighting/arguing with reality. I do this, alot.
I think the most difficult part of the Work for me will be Looking for the Thought Behind the Suffering. But just after reading the first two chapter my brain is swirling....
Wow, I now notice how many of my thoughts argue with reality...what an amazing challange! hahaha
ReplyDeleteI also love the idea that the suffering is the alarm. BK says that ...she never experienced a stressful feeling that wasn't caused by attaching to an untrue thought. I do what she says about trying to change my stressful feelings by looking outside myself. I reach for (in my case food) in order to find temporary comfort and the illusion of control.
ReplyDeletePerfect example is I am at work today and 2 overnights, I don't go home until Monday morning. My argument with reality today about being here is making me anxious and wanting to eat when I am not hungry. As soon as I told myself this is What Is! my being here for my shift, then I relaxed and decided to not argue but just be present completely with myself being here.
So, I get this part, it does work.
So...does the anxiety disappear or is part of the process being at ease with the anxiety of being somewhere you don't want to be? I realize you said "you began to relax" but did you?
ReplyDeleteIs part of the "Loving What Is" even trying to be gentle with our uncomfortable feelings?
Happy Mother's Day, Julie & Joni!
ReplyDeleteYes, definitely, part of Loving What Is, is being curious about our uncomfortable feelings and being okay with them. (Geneen Roth) also says this.
ReplyDeleteSo that is definitely one aspect, but to clarify: yesterday, as I was "arguing with reality" it manifested itself by as I said wanting to eat, (nuts) just to do something but also I noticed as I was sitting with Cheri (my client) that I was knitting, and then reading a quilting book all at the same time as I was supposed to be watching a movie with her. I realized that I was not being present with her and relaxed and calm doing ONE thing but making up for time lost by doing THREE things. I cannot be in my quilting studio and read this new book and be at work all at the same time so I shut the book, put down the knitting and drew myself to just be conscious of that moment or time with her, and that is when I relaxed, Deb. Does that make sense?
Also I noticed soon that there became no where else that I wanted to be at that time. I was where I "should" be and then I wanted to be here!
ReplyDeleteI think I get it...now I have to try it! The concept of it makes sense. There is so much to this self realization...whew!
ReplyDeleteI look forward to accepting IT IS WHAT IT IS as opposed to the inner struggle of arguing/debating with reality as an Olympian trained athelete!! Didn't know there was such a stronghold for me in that realm until I read it. I can only imagine the calm that will follow when I surrender to what is real instead of what's imagined. I'm so glad we are going to learn how to use the tools we already had but didn't know we had them. I will have to be very diligent with filtering my thoughts... This is alot to wrap your brain around! I'm going to set out today (Monday) with not arguing with reality and staying in my own business. I'll let you know how I do!!!! = )
ReplyDeleteHi Joni...When you refered to "being diligent with filtering your thoughts", what did you mean? Do you mean stopping the thought? Or being aware of a thought then doing the inquiry? Or is it that statement BK makes of "Meeting our Thoughts with Understanding?
ReplyDeleteI need to reread a bit of that part..the meeting our thoughts with understanding...
Hey Deb,
ReplyDeleteI meant being aware and doing the inquiry. To me, the inquiry is like filtering or sifting through the 4 questions.
Ok..I get it now...and me too,,,I do little mini inquiries randomly all day long on different thoughts that crop up, just practicing the questions. I haven't yet written anything down on the judge-your-neighbor worksheet, but I intend to.
ReplyDeleteI'm continuing the reading...
Joni, I love how you express yourself. You are so very clear, I can just picture your words!
ReplyDeleteIn the last few months of studying what Geneen Roth writes, I have understood that we can't just stop a thought or get rid of it and have that be healthy. If a thought enters (and brings a stress feeling) and I stop long enough to NOTICE it, instead of just numbing it, then become CURIOUS with it and do the inquiry, I then have a better time with handling it. In the past I think I have tried "taking every thought captive" but just stuffed the thoughts and feelings which then led to some kind of pain or uncomfortableness, and never understood them or took the time to. Shoving thoughts away took the form of distracting myself with other things like food, being with friends even sewing.
Here is an example: Bobby talks about buying a condo in Hawaii with several other people. The cost is @ $499,000.00. My reaction is at first silence when he brings this up, then I say I don't really want to go to Maui everytime we are in Hawaii just because we have a condo there. Then my THINKING kicks in and I become anxious and uncomfortable and everytime he talks about it I feel these feelings and just hope it all falls through. Then he talks about it again when he has more info and I use other reasons that I am against it. I am calm when I talk about it but inside is turmoil. I FINALLY decide to explore what is really going on with me underneath it all, (inquiry) because the real thoughts I have are: We will go bankrupt, I will have to live in Hawaii, I will have to work harder to pay for the condo, I hate the heat, and on and on. So attacking those thoughts with: Is this true etc etc. doing the inquiry questions helps me see that I don't trust his investment sense, he is going to ruin us etc. This then helps me communicate better with him and not be panicky inside. And not want to eat everthing in sight just to numb these feelings!!
I just had time to watch BK short video that you told us about Deb, and to see some of the files we can print out. The worksheet is helpful to really do the inquiry. Thanks, will be using those.
ReplyDeleteWhat's so interesting to me, is when we examine all the thoughts, and I mean ALL, and we now even have the tools to do the inquiry...there may not be an immediate solution. BUT, for me, some kind of calmness or peacefulness is there. I'm not as confused and my brain is not spinning, spinning in circles. I guess that's because the process brings it back to me and my attachment to certain thoughts. Then I may or may not see a reason to "drop the thought"....does this make sense? On that note...in my next comment I'll share my latest on going "story!"
ReplyDeleteSooo, my story is with Jim (Colorado guy)...
ReplyDeleteHis Situation "shouldn't" be taking this long.
Is it true? Well, no...because the truth is, it IS taking this long.
HOW DO I REACT WHEN I HAVE THAT THOUGHT?
I suffer because for 3 almost 4 years, I have tried to control the situation by saying I'll just be his friend, I withdraw, I engage, then withdraw, then criticize him, then criticize me, I send books telling him how to lead his life differently and help his children, then I'm resentful when I think he doesn't follow my advice. Whew, exhausting! And confusing, and now laughable.
So, WHO WOULD I BE WITHOUT THAT THOUGHT?
Free from judgement? Light hearted! Clearheaded.
Now for the turnaround...He doesn't follow my advice = I DON'T FOLLOW MY OWN ADVICE
When I say this to myself, it is with kindness, compassion and understanding. I can sit with this now and have hope. And that brings peace to my funny little heart : )
Of course, this is the 'edited' version...if you want the loooong version, just call? You know how I love to talk! Thanks for listening,
Hello all!
ReplyDeleteSorry for the delay in joining. Work has been busy busy!
OK here we go. As I have been reading(I am in chapter five now), there is one idea which I have found helpful. Can I change what is bothering me? I can not change what others do, how they upset me, their actions(no matter how I try). I can however change my focus. Sitting around worrying and getting upset on something I have ZERO control over is not hurting anyone besides myself. I am trying to embrace this new idea and although it is a SLOW transition, I am working on it.
Hi Jenni...Glad you're here! I'm so glad you're reading this with us. I can't wait to here your experiences with the work...
ReplyDeleteThis book has really hit home for me...I too have had those times sitting around with worries and being upset. Now, because of this reading I can realize that's the "alarm" and that I'm fighting some sort of reality and probably need to do inquiry on some "thought" I'm attached to. I'm still learning how to do it...but it's so cool when the peacefulness comes.
I've actually put stuff down on paper.....it's amazing how clear it becomes....it takes alot of time, but been worth it to me. I am finding that I look at alot of things differently now.
Ilove this book! Bye for now!